Saturday, September 13, 2008


too big mouthed. over initiative. over enthusiatic. overly outspoken.

read sinren's blog which inspired me to post something. i share the same feelings with her, so what im gonna post is very or somewhat familiar. soemthing to clarify : im not plagarising.


Video Making
about the class graduation video, yes its keeping my busy up to the neck. it will be the 2nd video done after sinren has done the 1st one. just like what she had mentioned : why others always seemed like they dont know anything and makes us the most IT-smart person in the class . -.-
for this video alone, its taken much of my time and frankly, its not even done yet! :/ its not like others dont know how to create the video, making transitions and stuffs! im not born to know how to use the video maker, but at least we took the effort to go learn the tutorials.
sinren, dont worry, you're not the only one making it. now im fretting over it too. LOL.

Prom night
about this prom night, its been almost every so problematic. about the other costs to incur if we were to attend, which makes me dont feel like going anymore. i would also feel guilty to ask my mum for more money, after all i come from a single parent family. im nowhere rich, and with my mum being the solebreadwinner, im feeling guilty.

but then..part of me want to go, because its like, what's graduation without prom. way before this, all of us have been looking ever so forward to it. now,... hmmmmms. anyways, if you guys have been an avid reader of my blog, you would have realised large chunks from my previous post was gone. miscommunication somewhere, and... i've thought throught some stuffs. perhaps i've been overly keen which i may have pressurized some others. i hereby apologise if i had made you feel that way. but, its not that im keen, but more of rather...... nevermind. i dont know how to pen down my thoughts.

i know my character suck to some of you, like showing attitude or whatever, i have my reasons behind it, which i dont think anyone would understand. so, also no point for me to say it out. im going back on monday to school to clarify matters, but.. my stand is, perhaps im out for the prom. since not much is keen to it, there's no point for me to go too.

and also, from my previous post, i know i've created myself another group of haters -.- from the way i've deal and penned my thoughts on some matters, i've portrayed myself to be a selfish person who neglects other people's feelings. oh wellls....... another set of thing for me to be troubled about.

anyways, please dont come after me to ask about this. i know you guys are concerned, thanks. but seriously, now im also not too sure what im writting. just blabbering away. arghhhh. how i wish to disappear into thin air.

Character
out of the DISC person, why do i have to be of I personality. the personality who just speaks too much? as in, outspoken. because of my outspoken character, despite being happy or sad, i just talk and talk. thats why little people are able to sense my fluctuation of moods. im forever talking, not like others who usually go quiet if they're sad.

with my character, i've just talked too much. being the one ever so outspoken, im usually the first person whom teachers aim, or maybe the public hater. i should learn to shut up.

and, just like what sinren feels about herself? why am i also ever so initiative? as in, like responsibilities for example, from other people's responsibilities, all these had fallen into my arms, weighing on me behind my back. because of my initiative character, i've got myself much more problems than i should. i should be someone who's more reserved, sitting in a corner, watching the earth revolve each every day.

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right now, im not even too sure about what im blabbering about. quite surprised eh, about me penning down my negative thoughts of myself. i was afraid of looking back into the mirror, cos i've once hated reality. but now, its time to look back on myself.

im just a nobody. im just someone too big mouthed. im someone who ought to just shut up despite anything. im just someone who makes no difference if i just disappear the next day. im just a plain jane, someone who should go unnoticed. im just too busybody as to help speak up for others. im just over concerned about things that shouldnt have been my area of concern. im just over outspoken, that people lost trust in me. im just.. me.

im not that happy-go-lucky girl which you all made me up to be. smiling today even if the sky falls down. im not that girl who doesnt cares about any problem. im not that girl, who deserves anything.

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for those concerned about me, im glad enough. if you do spare my feelings, please dont ask me about this matter. i can already expect a handful to ask me what happens, but... just dont ask. please. whatever i want to say, i've penned down my thoughts here.

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