Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Game of Love

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hehehe. do i look like i have sunkissed skin / bronzer on here?! hahaha.
but i have none on. just BB cream and blusher.
actually this was taken on the day before i went off to the bloggers party.
trying to find this picture to fit somewhere but........


looking at my current schedule for this week i don't think i would have other free time to do a really good post! other than the normal tutorial classes, we have additional 2 exams this week.. an additional bazaar featuring at Scape! this saturday... and i have to churn out a video by the end of this week!!

All in 5 days!!

i am so stressed out! and i withdrew myself out from the Love Me bloggers challenge too. hehe.


By the way, i chanced upon HollyJean's blog regarding real life love problems.. so we were all invited to comment on our views on them! So maybe i thought i could blog about them at the same time too :)



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Problem Two: Confused By Her Response

We met after about two weeks of e-mail exchange. At that first meeting, we talked about
what we looked for in our future life partners. Since then, we have met two more times. Now
our communication has only been through phone texting, which did not allow me to get to
know her better. She said we are just friends acquaintances and I should not think of her. I
am confused.

Is she keen on this relationship? Should I e-mail and tell her my intention is to find a life
partner? Should I call her to clarify and sever the relationship if she is not interested? Should
I simply start looking for someone else who is more suitable?


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My views: Move On.

Well, the words "move on" may be easier said than done. But I think i have a certain good idea of what exactly is going on in her head. There are a 2 possibilities - either she had really treated you as someone whom she can chat with and eventually got freaked out, or she had positive feelings for you, but eventually found out you were not what she was looking for.

However, as you did not really specify more details regarding how she behaved when you guys met up, (such whether she seems interested in talking to you or etc..) I can't really give a good judgement, but those are the only 2 possibilities in your scenario.


Scenario 1: Someone whom she can chat with - and got freaked out eventually
You have mentioned that the first point of contact made between both of you was through two weeks of e-mail exchange. Only following that, then did you guys met up. There is a very high possibility of her treating you as a platonic online-friend whom she can easily strike up a conversation with.

On the internet where we exchange conversations with people through MSNs, Emails or Facebook, we all feel much more comfortable talking to people, especially when it comes to personal habits, likings and so on. Primarily because the other party would not really know how you look like (other than your profile picture), what are your facial expressions and emotions when you type, you are nothing more than just a passing stranger whom the other party talks to through a monitor screen. and the best thing is, you would not be judged.

Chatting online is almost like an outlet for you to vent all your feelings.


well, of course this does not really apply to the case, but I was just explaining how there is a tendency for people to chat about more in-depth and personal stuffs online. So perhaps this girl came across and felt that you are someone who is nice to talk to, someone on the same wavelength to chat, and that leads to the meet-up.

You mentioned you two talked about what you both looked for in future life long partners. could it just be a passing topic as well? Let us give the benefit of doubt that to her, this is just a passing topic. And after 2 meet ups, she realized that you were serious in looking for a long term relationship (but she is not). This is where and when she could have backed out, as evident in "our communication has only been through phone texting" It is actually a signal for you that she is not interested.


Scenario 2: She was interested, but you were not what she was looking for
As mentioned, girls would NEVER ever agree to a meet up to an online friend, unless she is interested in knowing you, where there is a possibility of you guys being more than just online acquaintances. So let us say, she IS interested in you, curious to know more about you.

Hence during the subsequent 2 or 3 meet ups both of you were sharing about what both of you were looking in a life long partner. After meeting up, she might realize both of you had different values and views. different sets of mindset. - you were not what she was looking for.

i know this exceptionally well because i have an experience with it!

When I was much younger.. and i mean really young, i usually chat with people online. So there was this guy who seemed really nice. nice to talk to, good sense of humor (on the internet, at least). So i grew curious like.. how does he looks like? is he really like that in real life?

so we actually met up. and we agreed to meet up at a library. (so in case it gets really awkward and no one starts speaking, there is a reason to keep quiet. hahaha.) So, after a few really awkward moments we left it at that, and that concludes our first meetup. He seems shy.. not really like how he was when we were chatting online.

After the first meet up, instead of talking about what we were finding in life long partners in your case, he asked if we could go forward to another stage where we become real life boyfriend girlfriend.. you know.. along that line. And i panicked!! because after the meet up, and getting know more about each other, i realised that this was NOT what i looking for. I certainly would not really want a boyfriend like him.... (oops i hope he doesnt chance on my blog) and i think it would be good if we have our status remained as friends.

And of course, i was very young then, i got freaked out!!

i did not really reply him.. but as time passed, I felt that I should not be doing all this! like continuation of the sms.. emails or whatsoever. because he is looking for a girlfriend while i am not.



Tell-tale signs that she is not interested

Of course, there are a variety of ways a girl can show you she is not interested. From a loud rejection in your face to a polite "we are friends" or even a more polite way - "i treat you as my brother". hahaha.

Guys, remember as long as a girl says "We are just friends acquaintances", it means she is really downright and plain not interested in developing a relationship with you. And in fact, acquaintances was used to emphasize on the term "friends". And "you should not think of me" - a really clear cut yet polite way of rejection. This is a girl's way of rejection. She is not keen and that's that.


Should you contact her?

1. Is she keen on this relationship?
- No, as explained above. She isn't keen.

2. Should I e-mail and tell her my intention is to find a life partner?

- Thinking about it, from the disparity of meeting up to just phone messages, you could already tell that something must be wrong to cause it. Most probably she has already know what is your intention, thus her sudden actions in trying to distant herself from you, asking you to stop thinking about her. (she already sensed that you are thinking of her). She knows of it, and there is no need for you to e-mail her about your intention.



3. Should I call her to clarify and sever the relationship if she is not interested?

- Wouldn't both of you feel weird if you had phoned her just to tell her this? Moreover, if you had phoned her to ask if she is interested or not, else you would server the relationship, wouldn't you be like asking for a rejection straight up? Because it is very obvious in her actions that she is not interested. How are you going to handle the awkwardness when she reject you through the phone? Think about how you two had been recently, and think about what could be the possibly outcome of your call.



4. Should I simply start looking for someone else who is more suitable?
- Yes you definitely should! Try going out more often, get into some healthy sports, meet new friends and people. Your social circle would definitely be bigger, and you would have no worries in finding that someone special! Good luck!

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