Come to think about it, I am already 20 this year. And I realize that as we grow up, many things change.
As we grow up, age comes with responsibilities. Our responsibilities used to be completing the given homework, passing our spelling tests and tidying up the room as we leave our toys lying around. Electrical bills, housework, education fees were never on our list. Yet when we were kids, we cant wait for ourselves to be grown ups, with all the freedom that seems to come with it.
As we grow up, it's tougher to be happy. We have more wants in life, more expectations and of course we also do experience more disappointments. We stop dreaming, like how a girl dream of being able to dance and perform on a world class stage, like how a boy dream of becoming a pilot to be able to touch the skies.
As we grow up, we stop believing. We stop capturing planes with our palms to make a wish, we stop believing in shooting stars, we stop believing about how Santa would drop us gifts in our Christmas socks if we behaved well. Perhaps we lost that faith when reality checks in on us every now and then. We grow to be critical of our doings, the things we had done, and how it could have been better carried out. And when we do that, we grow to love ourselves a little lesser. We see more imperfections within us. We do know how to dream and hope, but we also do know how it feels when we fail other people's expectations of us and how it feels when everything we wanted tumbles into pieces.
As we grow up, we carry bagfuls of sadness. The broken promises, the disappointments, the forgotten friendships once forged, and the heartaches of past relationships where we become strangers with someone whom we used to have something special with. More scars are left on our hearts, and we find it harder to love, harder to trust.
As we grow up, it's harder to get forgiveness. Ignorance is never an acceptable excuse, because we are grown ups.
As we grow up, we tend to get our priorities wrong. The fights and quarrels we had in the past was who gets to play the toys first, who had a bigger portion of food, we gets to sit on our dad's lap. But as we grow up, we involve ourselves in a series of useless emotional battles and politics are everywhere. We compare who is performing better at school, who is earning more at work, who leads a more successful life. Some of us may have forgotten to slow down our pace and pause to look at not what we have achieved, but the process of it. Perhaps time has also changed, where 24 hours a day is never enough.
As we grow up, we express ourselves lesser. We stop telling people we love them, we stop telling people we care about them. We bottle things up on matters that annoys us, we pretend that we don't care. But deep down we do. We forgot how to be real, how to be ourselves. We do certain things because we have to, not because we want to.
As we grow up, one thing that will never change is our childhood. The memories is always there safe in our hearts, and recalling back on them would never fail to bring a smile back on our faces.